Take me away Delta!!

airplaneYesterday’s plane ride was so weird. I thought I would need lots of down time to feel rejuvenated but apparently all I need is just one whineless, screamless hour and I’m feel refreshed again. It’s hard to go away. Even after weeks of listening to “she’s touching me”, or “Brooke just hit me with her build-a-bear” or “the dog is trying to eat my complete set of state quarters”…I’m going to miss them. Of course, on the plane I had to sit next to a 14 year old (okay, barely 21) and her newborn 6 week old baby. 6 WEEKS OLD! Why are you on a plane with a 6 week old? ! Don’t you have better things to do… like keep your child away from nasty airplane germs or kegel exercises? To make matters worse…the young mom’s ass was about the size of my one thigh. How can you push a baby out of an ass that small? I swear my kids have to be smarter than hers because mine had so much more brain room to grow in the apparent condo they set up around my ass for 9 months. Of course, my sarcastic remarks about children were lost on her. She was only 6 weeks in. A Newbie. Filled with love and hope for her baby’s future. She wanted to talk about her baby’s cooing…to which I responded “just wait til you can’t get that thing to shut up.” She didn’t laugh. I just became the creepy, angry lady sitting next to her on a plane. But I wanted to explain. I wanted to tell her that I had reasons for my anger. That kids can wake up at 5:15 am and still be awake enough to annoy each other as they drop you off at the airport. That, even as you try and hold back tears as you say good-bye to them for the week, they will scream, hit,and punch each other until you have to scream “KNOCK IT OFF… OR MOMMY WILL STAY AWAY FOREVER” . Your beautiful good-bye ruined and replaced by the torturous, but somehow less-tedious, experience of taking off your shoes, being frisked by large manly-women and having your shampoo taken away in the airport security line. Finally…some peace and quiet. I didn’t tell her because she wouldn’t believe me anyway. How could her beautiful bundle of love, that now smells like gross airplane air, grow up and be annoying. I didn’t want to ruin anything. It will eventually happen. It always does. God gives us this beautiful time to fall in love with them so that we don’t leave them in the toy department in Target when they annoy us later. I kept my mouth shut. All is right with the world. I miss my kids.